It is human nature for most of us, to want to help someone when they are in emotional pain.
We run to the side of a friend or relative, with hopes that our compassion might help them to heal.
We spend hours and hours talking with them and offering our wisdom.
Day, weeks and months perhaps of phone calls, visits and cups of tea.
All we want for this person we care about, is for them to feel better, happier and more peaceful.
Time goes on and we don’t understand why our love, time and energy isn’t helping at all.
Maybe we feel we need to try harder, spend even more time with them, after all they don’t have many friends, or maybe I’m the only sibling they have.
They say they love it when we are around, but they just don’t seem to be listening.
The truth is, they aren’t. They haven’t heard a word you have said.
The plain truth is this, unless this other person, the one in so much pain, wants and is ready to makes some changes in their life, your words will fall on deaf ears.
I heard the Dali Lama speak a couple of years ago. A man in the audience asked him ‘how do you help someone you care about’? The Dali Lama’s answer was this; ‘you don’t’, ‘but if someday they are ready, they will come looking for you’!
As frustrating and as heartbreaking as it might be to watch someone in a situation, or circumstance that you know is unhealthy, debilitating or abusive, you can’t do a thing to help them unless they are ready for change.
The honourable thing to do is love them as best you can, for where they are right now.
It is important to always remember, in any situation – you come first.
You must always take good care of ‘you’.
Never give away too much to someone else. If you are a ‘giver’ then finding a balance will not be easy, but it is very important.
Know when you have done enough, and then just wait!
One day your dear friend, or relative will be ready and they will know just who to turn too.