I’m Not a Freak
You criticize me because I am ‘too sensitive’, so you say. You laugh and joke at the way I express my Self. There are times when you can be so mean to me, without any regret or remorse.
When I cry you walk away. When I crave silence you purposely become louder. I can’t be what you ask me to be. Sometimes you don’t just ask, you demand.
When you yell I crawl into my shell, I can’t bear loud noise. I’m not resistant like you, I don’t want to be. No one, especially you, has ever understood me, not really. I wasn’t always sure I understood myself at times.
My inner world is built on a sensitive and soft foundation. I am glad that I don’t have cement in my shoes, like you. I haven’t always liked myself and the way I am. Lots of people take advantage of kind Souls, purposely. Everyday seems like a hard lesson, when you live it from your heart.
No, I am not a freak, and I don’t believe you when you say it anymore. I am learning to appreciate that I’m not like everyone else. I am working hard to understand why I’m not. I have been reading books for people like me.
They are teaching me a lot. I am beginning to see this world in a different light. I am starting to understand the Soul of who I am. I have begun to make some changes. Change is hard. It takes all my might to make a decision that I know is good for ‘me’.
I’m learning not to worry about other people so much. Especially the ones that really don’t care or want to understand. I am working towards living in my body with gratitude and appreciation, instead of resentment and fear.
All of those that have called me a freak, I thank you. Because without knowing it, every time you said it, you were complimenting me on something that you just don’t have. You can’t bully me anymore. Anyone that doesn’t respect my new boundaries simply has to go.
I’m getting used to saying ‘Good bye’. It is making space for what I can say ‘Hello’ to instead. Somedays I realize I am practically alone. That revelation makes me smile. Smiling makes me feel good. When I feel good, I get to be the best of what I am.
Somehow actually, I love being alone. Aloneness is a gift that comes wrapped with golden and delightful energy. Such precious energy allows gracious freedom, freedom of the Spirit, something else you will just never have.
I’m not a freak, I’m just not like you.
How lucky am I!